So honestly, I think it's pretty lame how I always keep over-thinking things so much but just can't put them into words. I'm always torn between telling my friends or not telling them, but if I won't tell them, should I then make it public here?
Ya, I'm an over-thinker. But honestly, who wouldn't be this in a situation like this? I keep going from being quite persuasive to myself on how everything is alright and will be alright to feeling completely desperate. I just feel like everything I ever wanted, I planned for, those things simply won't happen any more. No harm, I just feel like I can't talk to my friends about this. I feel like they will think I'm a hypochondriac if I would tell them. But if I'm being truly honest to myself, I know they wouldn't bring me down or something, they would be right there. Always. Just too much over-thinking.
Right now, I'm so thankful that I'm pretty much overwhelmed with research work and exams from university, pretty much no time left to think. Still, I'm thinking too much. April 1st, I need to hand in my last research paper and this is quite scary to me, I'm scared of the time that will follow. Time to think even more. Time where I definitely need to make progress or I'm not going to be able to go any further. I need to over-think what I truly want in life and how I'm going to reach it. Well, just thinking about how I'm going to be able to reach my aims makes me really happy right now. Roller-coaster, whoa!
I know I'm not being quite motivating right now and I honestly don't feel like I'm gonna be that in the near future, everything still feels so surreal. How do you live when you know things will never be the same, you will never be healthy again? But, not being healthy doesn't mean I can't be well or happy. And this is what I want to be, so I'm gonna go there and get it.
