My first 8k

Um I guess the headline already indicated a lot but guys I'm so excited I made 8k yesterday! uargh!

this was last thursday, soo slow but still close to 6k!

not much faster, but 8k! Whoop!

On thursday morning I already got really close to my 6k aim and finally - I don't know how - I got the 8k. (I know some people won't be able to understand my excitement about these 8k, but try to run 8k when your gut feels like somebody is trying to light a fire and you're only able to even move because of pain killer)

I'm so happy I'm finally feeling better (even though this has only been a really short amount of time of feeling numb, dizzy, sleepy and all of that) and it makes me even happier to see my own progress not only in running but in handling my illness. Everyday is better than the day before. I only have been diagnosed for about two months now but I already realized so many beautiful things Horst taught me: Never let your happiness be controlled by something you can't control. This advise isn't always easy - trust me, I for sure know it isn't at all - but it is so important. Do yourself a favor and try to smile more often, a smile might light up your whole day. And of course don't let the behavior of others destroy your inner peace, they will never know how you feel exactly. You should know what's best for you, not them, nobody does know you better than you do (well in my case with the exception of my best friend). Most of the time people around you won't understand your journey. They don't need to, it's not for them. It's yours. Only yours. 

Care for yourself when cure is not possible.

This should definitely be the life motto of everyone. Not only when cure is not possible. You should always remember to care for yourself, your soul and your body. Right now, caring for myself has a major influence on my happiness, but I'm positive that it would also be good for me if I wasn't sick. At first, I had no clue how to do good for myself  but then I came across this list http://greatist.com/happiness/ways-to-practice-self-care.. sounds way too easy, doesn't it? Well somehow it works. This is why I decided to go for a spontaneous trip this weekend, just to follow #25 of that list. I left for a sunny weekend at the seaside close to the northernmost tip of Germany. What should I say? Besides the fact that I was already giving up on my New Year's resolution to be more spontaneous, which is now fulfilled, it was such a good opportunity to just enjoy silence in order to recollect what truly matters in life. 

Be happy. It's good for your health. Promise. 

I will become what I deserve

So honestly, I think it's pretty lame how I always keep over-thinking things so much but just can't put them into words. I'm always torn between telling my friends or not telling them, but if I won't tell them, should I then make it public here? 

Ya, I'm an over-thinker. But honestly, who wouldn't be this in a situation like this? I keep going from being quite persuasive to myself on how everything is alright and will be alright to feeling completely desperate. I just feel like everything I ever wanted, I planned for, those things simply won't happen any more. No harm, I just feel like I can't talk to my friends about this. I feel like they will think I'm a hypochondriac if I would tell them. But if I'm being truly honest to myself, I know they wouldn't bring me down or something, they would be right there. Always. Just too much over-thinking. 

Right now, I'm so thankful that I'm pretty much overwhelmed with research work and exams from university, pretty much no time left to think. Still, I'm thinking too much. April 1st, I need to hand in my last research paper and this is quite scary to me, I'm scared of the time that will follow. Time to think even more. Time where I definitely need to make progress or I'm not going to be able to go any further. I need to over-think what I truly want in life and how I'm going to reach it. Well, just thinking about how I'm going to be able to reach my aims makes me really happy right now. Roller-coaster, whoa! 

I know I'm not being quite motivating right now and I honestly don't feel like I'm gonna be that in the near future, everything still feels so surreal. How do you live when you know things will never be the same, you will never be healthy again? But, not being healthy doesn't mean I can't be well or happy. And this is what I want to be, so I'm gonna go there and get it.